If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
