seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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