Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
