Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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