Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
