This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
