I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My day in three words: secret purse cake
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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