You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
