There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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