It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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