im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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