He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
