and my herpes radar will keep us safe
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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