every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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