On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
