I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
