If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
how does that bad decision feel?
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