K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I intend to get homeless drunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
