I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
