Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's like heaven, but drunker
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize