Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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