I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sext me about skeletons
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize