YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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