I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
