Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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