We won't sleep together?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize