Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let's get the cat blown out
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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