I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
