Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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