Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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