apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
