I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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