Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
