Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize