Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
