I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
