I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
