Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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