We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Holy sore nipples Batman
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize