i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize