the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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