I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
