literally had 100 drinks last night.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
