Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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