you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
