did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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