You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
