Don't you send me to vm
Me too!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
