Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
