ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
