i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
try to milk me bitch
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