My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
