My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
