I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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