I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
