Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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