I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
