No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So apparently I’m into choking now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
