Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
