How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize