Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
