Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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