tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
