she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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