Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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