Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
