for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize