who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
