did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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