I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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