it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The adults are the big ones right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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