Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize