I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
