rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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