you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize