first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
