I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
