Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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