Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
