No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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