i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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