I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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