Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize