I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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