i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
