It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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