i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize