my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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