Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
