when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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