My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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