I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Randomize
