too bad you live with your parents still
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
