Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
