he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
