I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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