when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
