Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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