I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
