It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
