now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize