the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's Friday. Sex?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
