I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
