I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
